This is a very important topic which must be touched on as far too many people are targeted by female narcissists. The female narcissist may be labelled a someone suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder but labels do not matter their actions and the results are the same, so beware.
The female narcissist/psychopath is much more evil than a male narcissist/psychopath.
While a male narcissist/psychopath will often be more prone to physical abuse the female narcissist/psychopath will often be more covert in her approach which akes her much more dangerous in many ways. For general information on narcissists please visit this page.
She will devalue her partner in the following ways:
- By cheating
- By belittling her partner
- Deliberately lying about everything
- Subjects her partner to silent treatments and other passive-aggressive punishments for no reason
- Emotional Abuse
- Generally treats her partner like dirt
- Smearing her partner
- Vandalising her partner's property
Clues that a female may actually be a female narcissist:
- She can’t stand not being the center of attention.
This is someone who continually hogs the limelight, especially from someone she views as a threat. No amount of attention is ever enough. A narcissistic female could have a loving family, but she will still step outside of her most intimate relationships to seek thrills from the attention of strangers. She will manufacture situations of conflict out of thin air to get the focus back onto her and her deliberate crazymaking. She will make your accomplishments and struggles all about herself. She will continually steer the conversation back to herself without fail, time and time again, to highlight her own perceived achievements or to stage pity ploys that make her seem like the victim when she is actually the culprit.
- She uses her sexuality to manipulate others.
While histrionic females tend to use their sexuality and appearance indiscriminately and across all contexts, female narcissists are said by experts to use their sexuality to achieve a specific goal or mission. Whether it be climbing the corporate ladder or getting a boyfriend to forgive her transgressions, a female narcissist has no qualms about using her body to get ahead and get over on someone.
- Her sense of boundaries is twisted.
Hitting on your significant other? A weekly occurrence. Sleeping with a friend’s recent ex? No problem. Flirting salaciously with her significant other’s brother? Fun! Female narcissists feel excessively entitled to all of it and have no issue with violating boundaries to get the attention and resources they desire. They care little about who they hurt in the process.
- Her lack of empathy is startling.
Much like narcissists of any gender, female narcissists lack a core sense of empathy for others. When they see someone hurting, even if they caused that pain, they’re unlikely to feel any shame or remorse. Their shallow, nonchalant questions about your welfare, your life, and your goals are often reframed and rerouted to serve their own needs. They only care about the plights of others so long as it relates to them and their agenda. If you’re feeling sick or need a listening ear, she’s nowhere to be found unless it helps her to benefit somehow.
- They see others – like their own children – as extensions of themselves.
Narcissistic females as mothers can be horrific and self-centered. They treat their children as objects, praised only to the extent where their children meet their selfish needs. Otherwise, their children are devalued, ignored, abused and neglected. Narcissistic mothers especially have a tendency to do this as their children grow older, especially with their daughters. They compete with their young daughters, especially if their daughters represent a threat in terms of beauty and talent. Narcissistic mothers may even view their daughters as competitors for their husband’s attention.
- They sabotage those they are envious of.
Female narcissists engage in a great deal of relational aggression to undermine and extinguish those they perceive to be threats. This means you’ll find them underhandedly working behind the scenes to one-up you, sabotage your relationships, spread rumors, stage a smear campaign or ensuring that any attention or recognition that would’ve been paid to you gets outsourced to them or one of their cronies (in other words, enablers) instead.
- They idealize, devalue, and discard.
Whether you’re a friend, a partner or family member of the narcissistic female, she only keeps you around so long as you’re useful to her. She will put you on a pedestal, just to throw you off of it when she perceives you’re not doing enough to worship her, meet her arbitrary demands or when you’re shining bigger and brighter than she ever could. She then begins to “groom” a new target to become your eventual replacement, in an attempt to paint you as the toxic one not worthy of her affections.
- She enjoys creating harems and love triangles.
This is the type of friend that enjoys flirting with her best friend’s husband in front of her, all while knowing they are having an affair. She will ruin a family member’s budding relationship if she feels it takes the focus off of her. She will triangulate her significant other to the nth degree. She ensnares her admirers, various exes, and even complete strangers into her toxic web because she gets off on the attention that her various flirtations, indiscretions, and transgressions grant her.
- She becomes enraged at the slightest criticism and feels she has to eliminate the source.
The narcissistic female’s rage is not unlike the narcissistic man’s in intensity, but because of social stigma surrounding female anger, the narcissistic female may communicate her rage in more subtle ways. You’ll hear her communicate her rage in a restrained but angry tone of voice, giving backhanded compliments with a sweet smile, voicing insults couched in concern or putting you down and humiliating you in public with a sadistic gleam in her eye. She does this all while maintaining a pristine, polished image to the rest of the world. If she’s more of an overt narcissist, she may throw objects, lash out in verbal attacks or even escalate to physical violence depending on where she falls on the narcissistic spectrum.
- She is hypercritical and micromanages those she feels represent a threat to her grandiose self-image.
The pathological envy of a female narcissist is immense and it seeps into the way the narcissistic female fabricates imaginary flaws and shortcomings in others. She nitpicks the targets she perceives to be most threatening (in both public and private) all while maintaining an innocent demeanor so that if you dare to complain, you’re labeled as the unhinged one.
- She takes a sadistic pleasure in duping, abusing and bullying you.
Perhaps the most malignant trait of any narcissist, of any gender, is his or her glee at watching you fall. Research reveals that more malignant narcissists rejoice in inflicting pain. They enjoy putting you down to keep you feeling off balance. They take actual pleasure in the pain they produce. They will introduce new sources of adversity and inject chaos into any peace you may be enjoying. They can’t stand not having a reaction from you – so they will do anything and everything to provoke you into reacting.
If you’ve been victimized by a narcissist, whether male or female, know that it is not your fault. You were targeted because you’re an empathic, compassionate individual – usually someone with strengths and assets that the narcissist covets. It is not your job to fix them or educate toxic, malignant people on how to be decent human beings. They likely don’t care to change their behavior and feel rewarded by it. The best course of action is doing what you can to move forward in your success and channel your experiences into your victory.
Remember, indifference is their kryptonite. It’s helpful to view their absurd tactics from a more detached perspective and think, “what an absurd, childish thing to do.” Invest your energy in building your own resources and sense of strength rather than wasting it on morally impoverished people. Emotional toddlers cannot be schooled properly on empathy – they will continue to operate from the dark realms of their character disorder.
But take heart – all narcissists eventually unmask themselves and many eventually meet their downfall, all while their victims move onto bigger and better things.
Breaking Free: A Way Out for Adult Children of Narcissists: Escape The Dangers of Malignant Narcissism by Lisette SQ.
A topic covered in this book which is enlightening concerns female narcissists/psychopaths.
Some of the key points are as follows:
- There are many, many more female narcissists/psychopaths around than the authorities would have you believe. They tend to be diagnosed with borderline personality disorder; there does seem to be a prevailing problem in society in not being able to comprehend how evil women can be. It is interesting that it has taken a woman to point this out!
- Female narcissists tend to much more malicious and evil than their male counterparts.
- Male narcissists/psychopaths tend to be more overt and physical when it comes to their bullying and harassment. Female narcissists/psychopaths tend to be less physical but are much more likely to use more covert tactics such as smear campaigns, backstabbing, lying and gossiping.
- A female narcissist/psychopath will nearly always have a "tame" male or male(s) who may also be psychopathic; the male(s) are used to carry out the females bidding and will also be used as the "patsy" if things go wrong. The male(s) will do the female's bidding without question and although they are only kept by the female while they serve her purpose they seem totally oblivious to this! It is quite common to see a relationship with the woman calling all the shots with the tame man just doing what it takes to keep the peace!
- The female narcissist/psychopath does not love anyone, she is not capable of love but will only have a relationship if she gets something out of it such as money, shelter, sex, etc. The male or female she has a relationship with will only be kept around while they fulfil the required need.
Be careful of controlling women who seem to have a tame boyfriend or husband in tow. She will quite likely doing all the plotting and scheming but it will be the boyfriend or husband who carries out the agenda and if it goes wrong it is the boyfriend/husband who will take the blame.
Key elements which point to a female narcissist being the instigator of a hate campaign are:
- The number of other females ganging up on the targeted individual.
- The grooming and corruption of children to ganging up on the targeted individual.
- The presence of a male partner who seems to dote on her every word and believes everything she says without question.
- Most of the abuse is covert and difficult to prove.
One thing male and female narcissists/psychopaths have in common is the corruption of everybody who comes into contact with them, if they cannot corrupt someone they will turn on them with a hatred which beggars belief.
When Evil Is a Pretty Face: Narcissistic Females & the Pathological Relationship Agenda by Zari Ballard
The book can be viewed here. (https://www.amazon.co.uk/When-Evil-Pretty-Face-Narcissistic-ebook/dp/B00TNHK9UC/)
Some interesting quotes from When Evil Is a Pretty Face.
"The female narcissist/psychopath (N/P) is a conniving, beguiling character that enjoys a level of evil that far exceeds that of her male counterpart."
"To begin devaluing her partner, a narcissist starts to cheat (if she hasn’t already), deliberately lies about everything (even if the truth is a better story), subjects her partner to silent treatments and other passive-aggressive punishments (for no apparent reason), and generally treats him like shit."
"Suffering emotional abuse at the hands of a partner with a narcissistic personality disorder can be indescribable for the victim and hard to understand for anyone on the outside looking in."
"She will degrade you, insult you, embarrass you, tell the world your private thoughts, think of ways to jeopardize your job, file multiple Restraining Orders against you, lie to your friends, accuse you of something ridiculous in order to disappear, change her phone number as often a necessary, belittle you in front of strangers, invoke the Silent Treatment without ever telling you why, refuse to answer her door for days, vandalize your car, announce to the world that you’re a psycho stalker, lie even when the truth is a better story.…..the list goes on and on and on."
"It is this feeling of superiority and entitlement that compels the narcissist to act in ways that the rest of us deem unacceptable. A narcissist simple feels that he/she should be able to do exactly what she wants when she wants it and with anyone she wants to do it with. This is known as a false sense of entitlement."
"They lie even when the truth is a better story...I don't know exactly where I read that line - or if it even referred to narcissism - but I never forgot it. To me, it so perfectly described the wickedness of the narcissistic mentality….the chilling way that everything about anything a narcissist says or does is based on a lie."
"A narcissist, however “helpless”, is nothing short of an enemy to all and I’d much rather define the term by the darkly humorous parameters it deserves – say, for example, by the dialogue in a scene from the Schwarzenegger movie The Terminator (1984). Setting aside the fact that Arnold’s character is obviously male, I’d like you to imagine this character as, in fact, the empty unisex robot that it is. In this one scene (and I’ll even change the gender role accordingly), the character Kyle (who has come from the past to save the heroine, Sara Conner, from her future demise) is trying desperately to convince Sara that the emotionless killing machine on the loose has a rock-solid agenda: You still don't get it, do you? She'll find you! That's what she does! That's ALL she does! You can't stop her! She'll wade through you, reach down your throat, and pull your f***in' heart out! She can’t be bargained with. She can't be reasoned with. She doesn't feel pity or remorse or fear. And she absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are dead!” In a nutshell, this is it."
"Narcissists are robots…evil, vindictive robots that feel nothing. Your story is a good example of why the females are often so much worse. There aren’t many male narcissists who have parents and girlfriends footing the bill for everything."
"There is a double standard that definitely exists today. If you watch any sitcom, any commercial the man is the bumbling idiot (homer Simpson Peter Griffin) and the woman is the one rolling her eyes as he sits on the couch like a lazy lump on a log. This has been etched into the fabric of our culture."
"It just baffles me with a divorce rate as high as ours is today, or the modern day over indulged “princess” daughter, that people have missed something so blatantly clear."
"In the end the ultimate losers are the Narcs themselves who had a chance at something as precious as love but lost out and will never feel it in their lives no matter how many men and women they are able to fool and use."